By Turner Wright

If you're planning a trip through the States read this guide to American accents before you head off on your travels. It's an amusing, astute look at the weird and wonderful differences in dialect and pronunciation across the USA.

I'm a Texan first, then an American, then a citizen of the world. Without fail, every time I encounter someone on the road who has an inkling of knowledge of American accents, I hear:

"So you're from Texas? You don't really have an accent, do you?"

...a fact for which I praise my upbringing each and every day. Still, that doesn't stop me from occasionally throwing on a twang, and spitting out:

"Yessum, I surely do. Yee-haw! Giddy-up there! Have ya'll seen my horse?"

I guarantee I'm not the only city-raised respectable Southerner who's felt compelled to feign, wishing for a moment we had more evidence of our heritage... and perhaps feeling a little embarrassed we have to make the effort. After all, every state is the proud owner of its own distinctive twang, its essence representing the character of the state's history and its people.

TEXAS

Screw Alaska. We're the biggest of the lower 48, so we deserve to be first. The Lone Star State. The Texas accent can be mistaken for the southern drawl of neighboring states, but it tends to be a little more focused; when Michael Caine was studying to speak like a Texan in the movie Secondhand Lions, he probably got the best explanation I've ever heard:

'...[British] English is like all-soldiers-standing-to-attention.' He said, 'In Texan, everybody leans on each other, goes like that. The words just lean on each other and they go through jus' like that. It's all slow and you don't have to worry about nothin'.'
I said, 'Texans do talk slow, don't they John?'
He said, 'They sure do, Michael.'
I said, 'Why's that?'
He said, 'Well, I reckon it's 'cause we're all very big and carry a lot of guns - people just listen.'

Source: YouTube

THE SOUTH
Like Texan (or I guess the rest would say "Texas is like us"), the southern accent is drawn out, tends to drop the end of words, and is a close relative of the English accent. I hesitate to lump the masses together, as each state is quite distinct, but for the most part Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, South Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia (the Virginias are pretty unique in themselves), North Carolina, and Arkansas natives bear the burden of this form of speech.

In the south...

• "Liar" rhymes with "fire"
• Be on the lookout for expressions that would make Shakespeare turn in his grave: "You're dumber'n a sack'a potatoes."
• "Ya'll" (= you all) is a dead giveaway
• "Get 'er done!" will always produce a reaction (thanks to Larry the Cable Guy)

BOSTON
Boston and indeed most of eastern Massachusetts has a wicked retarded accent, best used for cheering for the Red Sox, doing kegstands, and grabbing something sweet from the packie (liquor store). In any case, try changing all the short "a"'s to "ee"'s (e.g. Mary = Meery); "o"'s to soft "a"'s (e.g. Boston = Baston) and "r"'s at the end or in the middle of words to "h"'s (Nomar Garciaparra = Nomah).

The Wicked Good Guide to Boston English

MIDWESTERN
The midwestern accent is probably the most neutral of accents in all forms of English. Head over to Nebraska, Kansas, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania and enjoy the flat-sounding voices. I believe this is why there are so many telemarketing firms and phone operators in Nebraska; companies want to be understood. Without any real inflection or flare, midwestern speakers may as well be the hardest to pin down by language enthusiasts.

NEW YORK
Ahh... yes. Your first thought is probably the deep NY accents you hear Italians using in mob movies; in fact, whenever I try to feign this one, I start with: "Hey Tony, go whack this guy, will ya?"

Given the geographically small area of New York City, it's amazing we find such varieties of speech. From all five Boroughs - Queens, Staten Island, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx - to Long Island and northern New Jersey, many visitors to the big apple (I don't care if they officially changed the name) claim to be able to hear differences between these regions. In fact, the classic New York accent is the result of European immigrants, and now lies mostly in the mouths of the working class; talk to a cabbie from JFK airport into Manhattan and you'll see what I mean.

The Story of the New York Accent.

THE DAKOTAS
Pop the movie Fargo into your DVD player and discover... well, an exaggerated version of a Minnesota accent. For North and South Dakota, there are strong Scandinavian and German roots influencing their inflections, with a result not far off from the neutral dialects of the midwestern states. Double "o" sounds are indistinguishable from their use in "root" (i.e. book = b-oo-uk), and soft "a"'s are replaced by soft "o"'s (father = f-oh-ther). In North Dakota, the Canadian influence is also unmistakable.

CALIFORNIA

A lot of the latest American slang spreads from New York City and Los Angeles, tending to produce a speech faster and much harder to pin down. In general, the "A"'s are flatter, the "R"'s are hard, and the accent is more liked a toned down version of the 1980s Valley Girl. In all likelihood, you'd be more likely to recognize someone as Californian based on their cultural expressions and knowledge of Spanish rather than any specific accent.

Photo Credits: Texas by atmtx; Boston by JMaz Photo; New York by diebmx; California by casch52 gone for a short time.